What happens to my kids in the divorce?
Children are often the first casualties of a divorce. Parents may unintentionally use their children to get back at a spouse. Often times children are used as messengers carrying messages from one spouse to another. They can carry the weight of the divorce on their shoulders. They may blame themselves for the divorce, feel pressure to choose a side, or feel fear that one parent will no longer love them. Children don’t have to be casualties of the divorce. You have a choice in what process you choose for you and your children’s future health and well-being. The reality of divorcing with children is that you will always be co-parents with your soon to be ex-spouse even long after the divorce process is over.
Now you may find yourself asking the question, “How can I co-parent with my spouse in a healthy way after the divorce is finalized?” It starts with the process you choose to get your divorce. In Minnesota you have a hand-full of divorce process option. Not all options for divorce are created equal. If your goal is to have an amicable co-parenting relationship after the divorce is final you want to choose a process that can give you and your spouse the tools to divorce in the best way possible for the children’s sake. For instance, the Collaborative Process has a unique focus and professionals that desire to “do no harm” to children. Understandably, the divorce in and of itself is difficult on children (and the parents!) but the Collaborative Process sets guidelines for healthy communication when around the children. In my collaborative cases we also utilize the assistance of trained family specialists to help the family transition through the many changes a divorce brings (like transitioning form one house to two or advise on how to tell the children about the divorce).
Understanding your private divorce or no-court divorce options will be the best first step for your children’s future health and well-being.